a magical idea
So during Mediation Awareness Week in the UK in 2016 (#UKMAW2016), I started uploading some wacky #MediationMagic videos.
The idea behind these was to find yet another cool way of spreading the mediation butter. When I think about it though, magic really does have a place in what goes on in the mediation room. In countless sessions I’ve witnessed the magic of the breakthrough, where someone suddenly ‘gets it’ and begins to pull down the walls they’d built to keep their ex or co-parent away, where the tears begin to flow.
I’ve witnessed the magic reveal in family mediation, where something that’s been gurgling underneath unnoticed, like financial information or someone’s genuine interests about what they’d like to achieve, suddenly come to the fore. I’ve witnessed the basic, earth-shattering moment when parties begin to talk again instead of argue or position themselves into a hole. I’ve witnessed all the strategy and lies that had become encouraged by the court process, gradually peel away to leave nothing but fears and hope.
When I’ve witnessed this magic in mediation, I know that it’s real, that there’s no trickery at all to sitting down with your ex and finding a way to move on after separation.
…”and the look in their eyes when suddenly they clicked that, despite all that conflict, their differences had been well and truly bridged”…
I’ve laid out my little videos here and might add to them when I get the chance – so please SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel and meantime, ta dah!!!
here are the magical videos so far
- Mediation Magic Cube!
- Mediation Magic Clips & Bands!
- Mediation Magic Paper!
- Mediation Magic Coin!
- Mediation Magic Mind Reading!
- Mediation Magic Banana!
- Mediation Magic Card Trick!
Mediation Magic Cube!
I’d heard about how mediation could give you this magical experience, this resolution for a better life after conflict. To be honest, I thought it sounded like pure nonsense. But I gave it a try. We both did. And after it was all done I remember saying to our mediator that she’d managed to get us to see how complex a puzzle we’d been making for ourselves, and how easily we could actually solve it if we started working together. We’re still not the best of friends with each other, but with some help at mediation, we were able to put that to one side and work well enough together to solve what had, up until then, been ruling and ruining our lives.
If you think sorting out your issues after separation, or after any kind of conflict you have, will be like trying to solve the Rubik’s Cube in the dark, take it from me, using mediation can make it a whole lot easier!
Mediation Magic Clips & Bands!
I mean, before mediation, we couldn’t have been further apart. We were like two elastic bands, stretched & stressed to the max beyond belief!
So I still can’t believe how magical it was that, after only five mediation sessions (and yeah I admit they were pretty hard going), we’d built together a good working relationship. We were able to look into a future much brighter than I’d hoped for, and although we were both apart, for our kids they now have a chance to have a strong relationship with both of us. We’ll make damned sure they won’t be defined by our separation!
Mediation Magic Paper!
How many times had she heard that, on paper, her argument was stronger than his, that she’d win in court? How many times did she mull over the year wasted in court for a piece of paper to dictate what should happen with the kids? How many times?
At mediation, it began to dawn on her that it really didn’t matter what was on paper, how strong her arguments might be. At mediation, she started to understand the greater importance of having a strong working relationship with her ex for the sake of the kids, of being able to trust and communicate with her ex about the big and every day decisions needed to create an amazing life for the family after separation.
Mediation Magic Coin!
What astounded me at mediation is that, having spent a year trying through my lawyer to get some financial information out of her, with even the threat of court not getting me anywhere, when the mediator explored with her where she’d like to be financially in a year’s time, what she’d like to achieve, right there and then she just opened up!
Like some kind of magic coin trick she produced all the information we needed, everything, so we could then explore how best to divide things up and move on with our lives!
Mediation Magic Mind Reading!
She always acted like I was a mind reader, like some Derren Brown magician, so at mediation it was just jaw-dropping finding out what was actually going through her head. The mediator helped me listen, then I was listened to, and we started working through some options that might help us move past all those issues!…
Mediation Magic Banana!
Every ounce of her being went into looking strong for her kids, strong against his pointless arguing. But inside, she was cut up beyond belief. At mediation, he began to understand why she felt like this. And together they moved on to a new life after separation. It felt like magic!
Mediation Magic Card Trick!
Picture the look on their face when they click that, despite all that conflict, their differences have been well and truly bridged in mediation…
…like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick!