kids separation bookhow to talk to your kids about separation


what have people have said about this book?
Sue Atkins, ITV ‘This Morning’ Parenting Expert: “Scott’s book is bursting with practical, down to earth advice and I particularly liked all of the super ideas & games to help children of all ages deal with separation anxiety. It is written in a conversational friendly tone free of jargon and is enormously practical, with advice on mediation & the legal process…If you are going through a separation or a divorce I highly recommend you pick up a copy of How To Talk To Your Kids About Separation to help you navigate the choppy waters with more confidence.”

Christopher Mills, psychotherapist, author of The Complete Guide to Divorced Parenting: “There’s a revolution going on among family law professionals regarding separation and how to deal with it. Scott Docherty’s important new book for separating parents perfectly captures the tone of that revolution, placing him at the forefront of its new influential voices…I have no doubt this timely and readable book will help many separating parents or their children. It holds out hope not just for a fruitful post-separation dialogue, but also warmly and even humorously shows us the nuts-and-bolts of how to achieve this.”

Karen Bonnell, Seattle mediator & co-parent coach, author of the Co-Parents Handbook: “As a divorce coach and co-parenting expert, I’m so heartened when I find excellent resources for parents hoping to skillfully navigate the difficult restructuring of their children’s family. Scott brings a warm, confident and guiding voice to how to talk with your children. Take a moment; it’s a worth read.”

Jackie McRae, solicitor and mediator: “Every family law solicitor will have been asked by a client: “How do I talk to the kids about the separation?” Not every lawyer will feel confident about offering advice about what to say. And there is no one right way to communicate with every child or young person about such a momentous change in their lives. CALM mediator Scott Docherty’s book is a “must read” for parents who are worried about the impact of their breakup on children. It puts the child’s perspective first and foremost, and focuses firmly on how parents can best support their children to cope with and adapt to the consequences of parental separation. Based on sound research evidence, Docherty describes what information and support children and young people need when facing family breakdown, and gives clear and practical advice about what parents can do to nurture them during the process. He offers strategies for parents to manage their own anxiety and distress and, most importantly, he provides examples of what to say to children to open up good communication and provide reassurance. Docherty writes with warmth and humour and, born out of many years’ experience, his advice is authoritative and accessible. Written primarily for parents, this small book should be on every family lawyer’s bookshelf.”

what’s in this book?
The book sets out practical tips and techniques to help you talk to your kids about your separation, from how to approach that difficult first chat where the news is broken to them, to dealing with the aftermath and some of the questions you might face from them. The book lays out a common sense approach to keeping your kids informed whilst minimising the effects they might experience as time goes on, and lets you in on some easy methods to handle any separation anxiety in your kids. It spells out in plain and simple language how mediation can help you sort out any separation disputes about your kids, and ends with a useful resources section designed to help the conversation flow between you and your kids.

what’s that about language?
As a lawyer, I acknowledge in the book how artificial lawyerly language can be in a time of conflict. Without dumbing things down I avoid commonly unhelpful legal terms that get in the way of a real understanding of what your kids will need during this difficult time in their lives. So the book is written in the natural language I hear every day from parents rather than in the words lawyers tend to force on them and which, disturbingly, can end up being repeated by your kids.

here’s a wee video to put the book in context

so how will this book help you?
As I say in the book, this is just a little nudge in the right direction, something to help you guide your kids through what could be a pretty traumatic time for them, with or without help from their other parent. I appreciate that you’re going through a great deal yourself right now, and that it’ll be hard to focus so much on protecting and continuing to inspire your kids as they grow up with separated parents. But I encourage you to believe in your own capacity as a responsible parent, and with the practical guidance I lay out in the book, give you some of the tools you can use to make your kids’ lives a little easier.

You can pick up the book on Amazon in the UK or the US.


talk to your ex after separationhow to talk to your ex after separation


This is a work in progress, so watch out for it on this page and on Amazon! Following on from the last book on talking to your kids about separation, this new book takes my experience as a family lawyer and mediator and lays out the various options you will face in seeking the most appropriate way to resolve whatever issues you might have after separation.

It will explore face to face discussions with your ex, how to manage conflict, how to parent apart if you have kids with your ex, and the various legal options available to sort things out, including negotiation, litigation, mediation, collaborative law, and arbitration.

I won’t promise in this book to have all the answers you’re looking for, but as with the last book, will try and point you as best I can in the right direction.  It’s vitally important that you think through in advance, and very carefully, the steps you’ll take in resolving your post-separation or divorce issues, and the advice you’ll receive in this book is how to begin that process with establishing ground rules and guidance for communicating civilly and constructively with your ex-partner or spouse.

So if you can’t wait for the book, feel free to make an appointment with me and we’ll chat it through!


journey mediationmy journey in mediation

NEW OFFER!! Share this upcoming book to receive a free extract of the first chapter of the book!

It’s amazing when you’re in the process of writing one book and another flicks itself open in your mind! As I was beginning the process of writing How To Talk To Your Ex After Separation, given the work I was engaged in, my thoughts turned to jotting down a book about my own journey in mediation.

Why’s that, you might ask?

Well, have a look at my mediation and me page on this site to understand where I’m coming from! Again, watch this space for the publication of this book, which in all likelihood will appear before the talking to your ex book.

Scatter-brained or what, eh?!!