conflict mediation

why i’m quitting mediation

so this is why i’m quitting mediation

Here’s a picture for you:

You’ve had enough. It’s time for a re-think. Time to put things into perspective. You’re stressed out your box with this conflict, and don’t know where to turn. You know that if things continue to go south, the ball’s gonna burst and you could end up with gold-plated lawyers involved, or worse, arguing over a paper-strewn oak table in court. You don’t want that. You’ve enough on your plate. You just want to put this nonsense behind you and get on with things, right?

And then some bright spark hits you with: hey chill out, have you tried mediation? Read more “why i’m quitting mediation”

the conflict game

the conflict game

new balls please

Those who follow my work will know that I hung up my court gown some time ago, that my ethos in conflict intervention has moved towards helping those in conflict engage with it constructively. As with current trends in this field, although my initial post-litigation training focused solely on mediation, over time I’ve begun to adopt a less defined role, and therefore, rather than holding up mediation before those in conflict as the only path they need to take, rather than assuming that it’s the magical answer to everything, actually I’ve come to find that what they really need is for us to help them towards a path that feels right for them, that can twist and turn according to what they need instead of how it’s been laid out before them. Read more “the conflict game”

conflict resolution

mediation is a waste of time

It really is. So don’t bother even thinking about trying mediation to sort your issues out after separation!

Who am I talking to when I say this?

Well, really I’m talking to those who are in the middle of conflict after their separation. Maybe it’s a conflict about the kids, where they should live, when each of you should get to see them, who needs to pay for them. Or maybe it’s about finances, whether the pension should be shared, how much money needs to be paid every month to keep the other going. Read more “mediation is a waste of time”

whatsapp mediation

whatsapp mediation

So I’ve started a little WhatsApp group for mediators. To join, send me your number by email, or DM me on Twitter, and I’ll add you in.

Why am I doing this?

Well, it’s just the beginning of a musing of a plan, really. For some time it’s occurred to me that in my neck of the woods, mediation is more of a referral business, that to build a successful mediation practice it’s pretty vital that you set to work from the outset identifying and nurturing a solid referral network. In other words, although it’s those in conflict you’re looking to help ultimately, until they’re referred to you they tend not to know you exist, so in order to reach those parties it’s necessary to hook in those to whom the parties usually visit for resolution of their issues. Read more “whatsapp mediation”

this is your pilot speaking…

It’s been a busy year for me with CALM Scotland.

Amongst the many things in which I’ve been proud as a punch to be involved for this wonderful organisation of lawyer mediators, is a major pilot proposal we are discussing together with Relationships Scotland, the Scottish Government and the Scottish Legal Aid Board. The discussions are entering a final phase, and once approved, the pilot will be set to begin in April 2017, taking our country into a passionate new era of action in tackling the roots and consequences of family conflict.

I’ve said for too long now that the conflict underlying separating families is encouraged rather than resolved by our system of civil justice in Scotland, and this pilot is a first step in directing them from the tired, adversarial court approach. Read more “this is your pilot speaking…”

voices in the middle

what’s this dust cloud approaching?…

So for a while now I’ve been a member of the advisory board of Voices In The Middle (VITM).

What’s VITM?

It stands for Voices In The Middle! This is a campaign based down South but spreading across the UK with some force, and forms part of the charity called Kids In The Middle. The campaign’s vision is to ensure that every child and young person whose parents are separating, has access to quite innovative peer support online and a genuine say in the discussions about their future. Read more “what’s this dust cloud approaching?…”